Writing In Recovery

I hit rock bottom on September 6h 2015. Well I was scaping rock bottom for a very long time before that. I was already drinking a couple handles of vodka a week. I started sabotaging relationship and friendships and lost a boyfriend I cared very dearly for. I would say all of it rooted from my alcoholism. I began to drink more heavily during my second year of college Out of boredom and because it helped me sleep better and stopped my crippling OCD and OCD.  It became my best friend and I started to care more about having my bottle than anything. Pretty soon around age 20 I was a full blown addict. I was drinking mostly after class because "everyone did it". My boyfriend at the time and I would have some drinks to unwind. Given, I thought this was very normal. I grew up with parents who start having their cocktails at 5pmand would carry on from there with wine at dinner and drinks after? Did I consider them alcoholics? No. Sometimes I did. But mostly no. That was normal behavior to me so I justified that what everyone did and even more so because I was in college and everyone binge drank. Anyway, my drinking started to get out of hand where I would be drinking earlier and earlier in the day and blacking out every night for the most part. After college my boyfriend who I cared for broke up with me, said he cheated, and I never got closure On that because he didn't give me answers. I moved past that now and I forgive it because I do blame my alcoholism and behavior. But at the time my world shattered. I was now 23 and my alcoholism had been where I was dependent on alcohol for about 3 years now.  Every morning I'd wake up with the feeling like someone was grabbing my spine, I'd commit bile, I'd be sweating and shaking like crazy. It hurt a lot. Physically and mentally. I would then reach for vodka and juice so I could function normally. I'd take two or three shots and try to hold that down. Sometimes I couldn't then I'd try again. Wait for it to enter my bloodstream and breathe and be able to stop my shaking hands so I could put in my contacts or do my make up or DRIVE and function normally.Wait for it to enter my bloodstream and breathe and be able to stop my shaking hands so I could put in my contacts or do my make up or DRIVE and function normally. I did this every morning and almost every hour for a very long time. Everyone noticed my shaking. My parents were concerned. I was getting into a lot of fights with them, go out to New York City and drink and get high with a friend. I went out one night to go somewhere to get drinks with someone I don't even recall who. I crashed my car into a guard rail coming home near my house. I blew off the tire, blew the other tire and smashed the car. My thought "that sucks". That was a little bit of a wake up call for me. But not enough. When my parents would go away I'd get tattoos just to feel pain because I said "I'm not going to live to 25". I sometimes prayed I'd die in my sleep. I finally had enough of my parents down my back so I decided to pack up and move to Florida. I packed a couple bottles of vodka in my bag too. When I got to the airport TSA didn't let me in. My parents dropped me off at a rehab center in Connecticut where I live and my blood alcohol level was though the roof for someone my size but yet I was still talking and walking. My dad begged me to stay for a few days to detox. I did but I was angry very angry and said to myself I'll just go out and drink again once I'm done... long story short later that night I had a withdrawal seizure . It was the worst pain I ever experienced in my life. I couldn't breathe or move. All my muscles seized up and I just screamed out one last time for help . Nurses came in and I was rushed to the ER. I told them not to call my dad because it was his birthday. They did anyway. I was then but on an adivanbenzodiazepine taper. For 13 days. I was in and out of consciousness and lost all my motor skills. I did physical therapy to get them all back as I was getting healthier . I cried when I could write my name in full sentences. I couldn't do that for years because of my constant shaking. I then went to rehab for a month and out patient for a month after. I now attend frequent meetings, have a group of sober friends. I have a new loving caring sober boyfriend of 9 years. I'm writing this from a vacation in Aruba. I have my own apartment in Connecticutand a great relationship with all my friends and family again. All thanks to sobriety and putting down the bottle.